Posted on by Amber Merton

woman sleeping alone

Why Can’t I Sleep When My Partner Is Away?

Sleeping without your partner can be a challenge for many couples. While sharing a bed with your significant other can create feelings of warmth and comfort, sleeping alone can feel isolating, and even anxiety-inducing. So, why can't you sleep when your partner is away? It's simple - you're used to sleeping together, and the absence of their physical presence can throw off your routine.

For most couples, once they fall into a routine of sleeping together every night, it's very hard to sleep without their partner. According to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, 23% of American couples sleep apart at night. For the other 77% who enjoy sleeping next to their significant other, it's clear that sharing a bed has many benefits. In general, it seems that people who sleep next to their partner sleep better than those who sleep alone. In fact, a survey of insomniacs shows that out of the test group, 27% of insomniacs were people who sleep alone at night.

Understanding Separation Anxiety and Coping Mechanisms

Many people experience a form of separation anxiety when they have to sleep alone after becoming accustomed to their partner's nightly presence. This phenomenon can cause feelings of unease and even anxiety, making it challenging to fall asleep without their comforting presence. When a partner is nearby, their presence can act as a natural “safety signal” for the brain, allowing it to relax and ease into sleep. To counteract this absence, consider practicing techniques and suggestions that we offer below. Focusing on these calming practices before bed can ease the brain’s response to the absence of a partner, gradually training it to relax independently.

Psychological Comfort from a Partner’s Presence

Sleeping next to a loved one brings psychological comfort that’s hard to replicate, providing a sense of security that relaxes the mind. The presence of your partner not only feels soothing, but it also subtly assures the mind that you’re safe, which can make drifting off much easier. To recreate this comfort, try small things that remind you of them, such as a light scent they like or familiar sounds from your shared routine. Simple reminders like these can help fill the emotional void, providing just enough comfort to help you relax into sleep.

The Role of Oxytocin in Couple Sleep Habits

Physical closeness releases oxytocin, a hormone known for promoting feelings of love, relaxation, and stress reduction. When partners regularly sleep together, the body associates these comforting effects of oxytocin with bedtime, which is why some find it hard to sleep solo. If you’re struggling to fall asleep alone, you can try simple ways to stimulate oxytocin independently. Techniques like taking a warm bath, cuddling a body pillow, or using weighted blankets can all trigger a sense of relaxation similar to that provided by oxytocin, helping you drift off even when your partner isn’t nearby.

Benefits to Sleeping Alone

It is worth noting that sleeping alone can have some benefits. For example, it can give you more room to move around in bed and can reduce the risk of disruptions from a snoring partner or restless sleeper. By embracing the benefits of sleeping alone and finding ways to make it more comfortable and restful, you can turn it into a peaceful and rejuvenating experience.

Practical Tips for Transitioning to Solo Sleep

If sleeping alone is a rare occurrence for you, a sudden change may make it harder to fall asleep. If possible, try gradually adjusting to solo sleep by practicing short naps or an occasional night in a separate room every now and then. This gradual transition can help reduce the shock of the change when your partner is away for an extended period. Over time, even a small amount of solo rest can make it easier to adapt, ensuring that when the time comes to sleep alone, it feels less daunting and more manageable.

Sleep Synchrony: How Couples Adjust to Shared Routines

Over time, many couples develop a shared sleep rhythm, or “sleep synchrony,” as they adjust to each other’s natural sleep patterns and routines. This synchronization can make sleeping apart feel disruptive, as your body is used to its partner’s movements, breathing rhythm, and even sounds, all of which signal safety and routine. To help your body adjust when your partner is away, try maintaining the same bedtime routine as you would if they were there. Keeping consistent bedtimes and listening to similar sounds (such as their favorite white noise) can help preserve some of this familiar rhythm, making it easier for your mind and body to settle into sleep.

So, what can you do to fall asleep when your partner is away?

Can’t Sleep Without Your Partner? Try These Helpful Suggestions:

Invest in a Body Pillow

While it may not be the same as snuggling up next to your partner, having a big, comfy pillow next to you can help you feel less alone in your big latex mattress. The extra cushion can also help support your body and alleviate any aches or pains you may be experiencing.

Allow Your Dog to Sleep Next to You (Just This Once!)

If you have a furry friend, their beating heart may be all you need to feel comforted and fall asleep. Plus, who can resist a cuddle with their furry companion?

Sleep with a Sound Machine or Other White Noise

Studies show that sound machines or other forms of white noise can help even the most particular sleeper fall asleep faster. Try using one when you know you're going to have trouble sleeping, like when your partner is awy.

Try Sleeping in the Middle of the Bed

By sleeping in the middle of the bed, you're making your bed seem smaller and giving yourself more room to move around throughout the night. While this may be controversial for some who are very particular about their "sides of the bed," it's worth a try.

Drink Tea Before Bed

A cup of chamomile tea before bed can help you relax and calm down, making it easier to fall asleep.

Practice Relaxation Techniques Before Bed

Engage in some deep breathing exercises or meditation to help calm your mind and reduce any anxiety you may be feeling about sleeping alone. This can help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly throughout the night.

Set up a Bedtime Routine

Create a routine for yourself that helps you wind down and prepare for sleep. This can include things like taking a warm bath, reading a book, or listening to calming music. Having a consistent routine can signal to your body that it's time for sleep and make it easier to fall asleep without your partner.

Invest in Comfortable Bedding

Make your bed as comfortable as possible by investing in soft, high-quality sheets, pillows, blankets, or even a latex mattress (especially during our 4th of July Mattress Sale!). This can help create a cozy and inviting environment that makes it easier to fall asleep.

Use a Weighted Blanket

Weighted blankets have been shown to have a calming effect on the body, making them a popular choice for people who have trouble sleeping. Try using a weighted blanket to help you feel more secure and relaxed when sleeping alone.

Consider Using Aromatherapy

Essential oils like lavender and chamomile have calming properties and can help promote relaxation and sleep. Try using a diffuser or a pillow spray to infuse your bedroom with the soothing scents of these oils.

*Bonus Tip:

Get a comfortable nightlight. If sleeping alone makes you feel uneasy or anxious, consider getting a nightlight to help you feel more secure. Choose a soft, warm light that won't interfere with your sleep, but will provide enough illumination to help you feel more comfortable in the dark.

Conclusion

Sleeping without your partner can be a challenge for many couples, especially if they have grown accustomed to sleeping next to their partner every night. However, there are many strategies that can be used to make the experience more comfortable and restful. From investing in comfortable bedding to practicing relaxation techniques, there are many ways to make sleeping alone less stressful and more enjoyable. So, the next time your partner is away, try out some of these suggestions to help you fall asleep faster and get a good night's rest. With a little effort and experimentation, you may find that sleeping alone can be a peaceful and rejuvenating experience.

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